I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
