He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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