It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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