Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
