Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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