Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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