don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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