You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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