well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
