I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
