I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
