I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
