I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
