I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
