Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
