So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
