cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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