I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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