I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
