How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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