That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
