he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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