I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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