Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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