you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
