i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
