Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
