You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
