dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
