In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
