The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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