meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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