Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
