The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
