It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
