Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
