Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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