Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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