I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
