New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
40s are totally the cure
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
