There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
