whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My balls are so social today.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
