The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize