well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
