I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
