**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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