Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think I sprained my soul last night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have aggressive nipples.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
