woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
