You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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