just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
