I just saw a hot homeless man
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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