Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
