i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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