do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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