Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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