VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
