She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
