So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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