So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
