You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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