i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
