I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
